29 March - The Drugs DO work

So, here I am. Still no bootcamp, still trying to eat healthy and low carbs (the maltesers have now gone but I have shared them, wasnt such a good idea after all ... for now), still with numb leg but improving, still with pain but hopefully improving, thanks to the drugs and increased dosage.

As you can imagine, I havent been up to much. One of my friends has joined the OFC boot camps in Safa Park on Mons and Weds and she will join Mirdif on Thurs. This week I will go and support her from the sidelines. This evening I am attempting to go to my weekly weigh in with Andrew, though Im sure IF there is any weightloss its most likely muscle loss not fat. I know I have been OK with eating healthy but there has been a few naughties thrown in - yesterday I had 2 small slices of toast with peanut butter and it was scrumptious. And thanks to LL who has been doing my shopping for me, Ive been asking for good stuff not naughties though Im screaming for a pizza, no idea why. So far I have resisted.

The other naughties was white arabic bread and hummus, however I suffered badly after eating it with the halloumi and fattousch. I had terrible wind and acid indigestion. As much as I love it, I will be avoiding in the future.

Baby steps - thats all I can manage these days anyway, walking is an issue. Ive done my arm weights every day, thinking that if I have muscle in my arms, this will add to increasing my metabolism despite that lack of movement and cardio. And still baby steps in rewiring my head to healthy eating and less of the emotional eating. I have lots of homework from my life coach session to complete but my next appointment is towards the end of April. And I have approx 5kgs to lose before my birthday in May ......

My MRI is scheduled for Thursday, though not sure about the 8am appointment, oh well I can always go back to bed afterwards! Or even better, the lovely MrsT may have given birth by then and I can visit them in the same hospital. Heres hoping.

Tonight Im wishing for a 1kg weight loss, tomorrow Im wishing for lots of sleep, Thursday Im wishing for a clear result from the MRI with cause and cure, as well as good news that I CAN fly on Friday to the UK as planned for my annual leave. Universe, please help me, many thanks : ).

And well done Mohammed - same thoughts, different person - http://gulfnews.com/in-focus/cutthefat/cut-the-fat-week-17-1.784202

Air conditioning to blame - Yeah right!!

http://gulfnews.com/in-focus/cutthefat/obesity-is-all-in-the-mind-experts-say-1.784217

Support Mohammed Cut the Fat - Gulf News

http://gulfnews.com/gntv/lifestyle/cut-the-fat-week-16-1.780708

24 March - Lots of pain, no gain : (

Ive not been on here for a few days, due to the fact Im out of action and will be for a while yet. As a result of trying to get healthy, I took the advice of the 2nd opinion Dr last week, and had a Vitamin D injection on Sunday evening. By Tuesday I was conscious of a severe sciatic type pain in my right leg from my right bum cheek - where the injection was given.

Yesterday morning, in the early hours I was woken with sever shooting pain all the way down my right side. Several (!) Ponstan Forte tablets later there was no improvement, in fact Id never felt pain like it. I called the Clinic where I had the injection as soon as they opened and waited for a Dr to call me back. During which time I made 3 attempts to have a shower, the pain was unbelievable. It then took me another 30mins to dry myself whilst rolling on my bed, drying my hair whilst lying down failed after several attempts, I was going to have to deal with a curly messy hair day. TBH, I really didnt care about the hair. The pain was getting worse and worse and no matter where I lay, where I moved, lay down, stood up etc, there was no escape from the pain. It took me 10mins to work out how to get on my underwear, it wasnt a pretty moment. And Im sure my neighbour above me thought someone was getting hurt!

The Dr called me back, offered me an appointment at 720pm, Through tears I advised I couldnt last the day. OK, an appointment at 11.20am, that gave me over an hour to get ready, and I knew it would take that long to get dressed. The taxi arrived, everyone else was busy. I dont like relying on other people anyway. I got in the taxi, advised him to drive slowly over the speed humps, of which there are several near my home. I think the taxi driver thought I was giving birth in the back seat with all he noises I was making. I arrived at the Drs, as I got out of the car I realised I had now lost ALL sensation down my right side, from my waist and I stumbled over my right food. It didnt hurt, but I felt the numbness.

I stood at the Drs, I didnt dare sit down, I didnt trust the power of my left side and I didnt want to feel any more pain. The tears were still coming. I would never make childbirth thats for sure, adoption all the way for me! How do you ladies do that kind of pain!!??? To summarise, after more tears and being told the Vitamin D injection had damaged some of the nerves and were now inflamed and infected, I was given my prescription, 2 days signed off work (that was going to go down well, not!) and told not to move or move as little as possible. To head to A&E and demand to see a neurologist. Or to go back Saturday if the pain remained. By this time I was dragging my right leg, and I wasnt happy. Thats an understatement.

I got my prescription and headed home. More writhing in tears on my bed trying to find a position that relieved me of the pain (that didnt work), it took 2hrs for the meds to kick in. When they did I couldnt lie down, I could only stand to get rid of the pain. So thats what I did for an hour. I stood and watched TV. Then I got bored and washed the dishes in my sink. Then I checked my fridge and gave my food order to LL and asked MrB to bring me some water. Thanks both for looking after me, and bringing me my rations.

There was an improvement yesterday and there is still improvement today but its not going fast enough for me. I have to stop and let my body heal. In the meantime, no boot camp. Nothing. Rest and lying flat as much as possible. Im planning on getting back to work on Sunday however if I cant sit down, Im going to look at an alternative solution. Im also not supposed to drive on these meds, however, lack of a right leg makes driving a bit more challenging than a little drowsiness!!

Ive just had to stop writing this mid way as the meds have worn off, its just reminded me of the pain that remains suppressed when I take the meds. Not a happy lady here at all. Least if I feel pain thats a good thing, right?! I did click my right knee, perhaps its now back into place, where it should be. Just need to do the same for the hip, that might a bit more challenging too.

Considering a walking stick. Might get me my free upgrade a week on Friday when I travel to the Uk for my sisters 40th birthday celebrations, and for my neices 3rd birthday and to see all the family. I HAVE to get on that flight so major recovery week ahead. Id rather use my points and guarantee an upgrade so Im checking online several times a day - the call centre cant help ufff! Def a walking stick!

Ive just come off the phone to my step mum who works in the NHS in the UK. She has a colleague who had the same injury from a tetanus needle several years ago, shes not sure how long the pain lasted but it took 2yrs to recover fully. Great! I need to write to the Clinic and then the Ministry of Health (MOH). According to this colleague, the NHS stopped injections of any sort in the bum 15yrs ago and injections are in the top of the thigh due to the fact that the sciatic never can move to any area in the glutes. Yes STOPPED 15yrs ago. So what happened here in the UAE!??

Enough of the speculation and stories, I just need to get fixed. I cant put the clock back, I cant change anything, I just have to deal with this. And there is obviously a reason the Dr gave me a MONTHS prescription of these painkillers. There is something he knows that I didnt look into on Wednesday. Looking back I really wasnt interested in anything else other than pain relief. I got it, but I need to keep it going 24hrs, I dont like these painful moments.

Interestingly I lost just under 1kg last week, and we found out all about acupuncture from one of Andrews colleagues - little did I know I would be requiring his services so soon - pain relief required THEN lets look at the weight loss assistance on offer!

I will try to keep this blog updated with my progress, but for a while it wont be about boot camp (sorry Corey), it might be a little about my diet plan (Andrew Im going to confess now and get it over with - I had some Krispy Kremes, I thought I didnt like them then I tasted it and it was nice ..... eeeeek!) but Ive not eaten much other than some almonds and salads the last 2 days otherwise : ).

For my fellow bootcampers, I might pop along and see you next week and support you from the sidelines, I dont want to miss you all, as it looks like the earliest I will return is 11th April, but Im taking this recovery day by day. Im looking out for my miracle. If I was religious, Id ask for prayers, but Im not, so just look after yourselves, be happy, keep up the good work at BC, think of me and my lazy ass for a while and dont get any injections in your bum for anything!!

Big hugs all round xxx

PS Those roller skates are going to be gathering dust for a while too : ((

Inspirational Story - Gulf News

http://gulfnews.com/in-focus/cutthefat/from-waist-size-46-to-30-the-natural-way-1.780461

21 March - The job so has to go

Its Monday, and guess what, another boot camp missed. I schedule these sessions in my MS Outlook calendar so not only do I get a reminder to leave the office on my laptop and on my blackberry, people cant book anything in my diary after 530pm on Mons Weds and Thurs. The same goes for Tues for appointments with Andrew.

However, when there are people senior to me demanding deadlines to be met all at the same time, none of which are negotiable, but are caused by many previous years of disorganised dysfunctionality, I cant escape it. Especially when Im still booking and changing travel plans for our people in Bahrain.

The job has to go. I didnt even find time to do my 20mins in the sun, as prescribed by the 2nd opinion Dr. I didnt have time to drink as much water as I needed hence the 1.5l bottle I am demolishing this evening, something tells me Im going to wake early tomorrow! I didnt have time to stop working as I ate my food today, my lovely Sumo Salad, yep Im addicted to this. So, Ive basically told the world that everyone and everything at work was more important than me. Something I do on a daily basis, including weekends recently. I am important, I am No 1, and I need to look after me because no other bugger will. I dont know how to change it, though I have a hospital appointment at mid morning Wednesday and I plan to use my time prior to this as productive as I can. Time to do some networking for my next move.

And Im bored of shopping and chopping, Im not interested in making meals, I prefer to eat easy food that are more nibbles than meals. Tonight I steamed my lamb meat balls (love them, though the kitties prefer the chicken ones) and some broccoli. Doesnt sounds exciting, but it was good enough for me, it tasted good and there were no carbs. And I need to make up for the chocs and maltesers eaten over the weekend.

Its weigh in tomorrow with Andrew, and Im hoping for the best. But I know I havent done as much exercise as I should have and I still need to be even stricter with the diet plan, more about getting organised in advance, but on my limited time the last thing I want to do when I get home is chop even more veg and salad. Hence why Im loving Sumo Salad so much though if I really looked into the dressings, Im sure the spicy indian yoghurt one is not a good addition to the salad. However, there remains no pasta, rice, bread, potatoes or otherwise in my diet (except that pumpkin that sneaked into my More salad at the weekend, naughty pumpkin!)

So tomorrow Im aiming for 1kg. If I do this, Im on target for my birthday. I just need to do the same for the next 6 weeks including 10 days of which will be in the UK. I MUST run every day and Im looking forward to a Zumba class with my sis. Where is that Mirdif Zumba class. However the big news is that when I return, I will be with my new roller skates, so if you see 2 mad ladies laughing their heads off around Festival City, that'll be me and my new found co-rollerskater. I cannot tell you how excited I am about these skates, I just wish I had them now as I would be out around my area zooming for km after km, my music and wind in my hair, being careful not to fall arse over tit over those speed bumps!

Im of to dream myself slim for tomorrows weigh in and about the new love of my life (below) xx

15 - 20 March - 2nd opinions!

Time DOES pass me by. I was supposed to be writing this on a daily basis, but looks like it might be once a week, twice if Im lucky.

And so much has happened in just a few days. Lets start with bootcamp, always a good beginning to any blog. I missed last Wednesday - I was delayed at work with emergency evacuation of our staff from Bahrain. It wasnt stressful, just busy and a lot to do in a short space of time. This didnt affect my blood pressure, only the people with their games, politics and unethical behaviours make my blood boil! I was going to make Thursdays though, I had to, this was supposed to be a 3 day bootcamp week. I made it for 845pm to quickly say Hi to Zaid and apologise I hadnt made it. I thought about going for a run but by the time I got home and got my essentials sorted it was bed time!

Thursday - I was late for bootcamp. I thought about not going at all, as it was easier to go home and stay home. However, I somehow managed to persuade myself that I HAD to go no matter what the time. I got home at 735pm, was at bootcamp for 745pm. Just as warm up finished. I thought I would have to do a little warm up so hovered to wards the back then Corey told me more or less to get on with it. Off I went, up and down the little hill, running, running, and more running. Then there was even more running, with weighted bags, weighted balls, zig zagging across the cones, attached to a parachute (mine wasnt saving anyone!), and baby steps up the ladders up the hill! I got a slight buzz from turning up late, and not giving in and just going home. I think Corey was lenient with my punishments for being late as I had been doing a good deed at work, getting our people to safety - even if it did take some til Saturday to get her due to the visas!

Then there was the weekend, and what a weekend. I met Emily Cheyne, who is a Life Coach and conducts workshops on "Friends of Food". The workshop had been cancelled so I took her up on the offer of a one to one session x 2! 9.45am speeding fine at the Marina/JLT area of Sheikh Zayed Road (who in the police was up at that time AND working on a Friday, come on !!). A few tears later, things started to make sense, quite obvious but I guess sometimes we need the obvious pointed out! Today was definitely one of these days. a fast 2hrs later we were done and Im booked in for a weekend in April for my 2nd session, and got some homework to do. Its all about tuning in to yourself - to my emotions, feed that particular emotion but mostly identify it so it can be recognised. Tune into my levels of hunger. Eat on a plate and taste and enjoy and concentrate on the food. SOooo much more, and Im glad I ve added this piece of the jigsaw. Friday then evolved into building the Ikea shelves for my bathroom and getting that area of the apartment organised. My bathroom is now stress free. Thanks Emily for my morning session. Then there was some driving to and from and singing and dancing to Stevie Wonder, an utter musical genius!

I didnt go to sleep until 3am so waking early on Saturday was not going to occurr. However I had an osteopath appointment at midday, I just made it, thankfully was 2mins drive from home! I met Malcolm Gregory, a brilliant osteopath an part scottish, irish and welsh. A good combination so like me, supports anyone (in sports terms of course ..) except England ha ha! And OMG! This man has rescued me, my back felt immediately better, and within 24hrs I was moving and walking differently. As I am running and I already have damage to my back and have virtually no cushioning between the last 2 vertebra(s), I am going to have to have regular appointments with him. So already booked in for next Saturday midday again. There is something about having my back clicked into place and the self satisfying pleasure knowing that my back has been snapped back into place again. It should hurt but it doesnt, but I heard it in my ears and down my spine. Ahhh I love that clicking feeling. And the feelings that come afterwards too.

Then there was my 2nd opinion Dr. And how very interesting this appointment was. I got a copy of the last blood tests and the potassium levels showed 0.1g under the minimum level, this Dr said I could fix this by eating potassium rich foods and also with a multi vitamin. What she did notice though was that I had a major major deficiency in Vitamin D, the other Dr hadnt even mentioned this. At all. I realised that this 2nd opinion Dr was a no-nonsense Dr and I liked that. There was no wasted requests and approvals for yet more tests, ultrasounds, CT scans, pee in a pot tests (thank god I dont have to do that for 24hrs...). Instead I was told to sit in the sun for 20mins every day, no suncream, bare skin. I dont sit in the sun, I wear F30+, I cover myself up, Ive adapted to my environment and I also required a Vitamin D injection. The approval arrived at 730pm that evening, and on Sunday I had the injection. 2 of them, only 1 covered by insurance but that wasnt so bad. Big needle, I lay down, I ate a 37g bag of maltesers before for sugar so I was less likely to faint. Wasnt so bad but my right glute is not very happy right now! Im glad I got the 2nd opinion, although there is no harm doing the ultrasound on Wednesday morning, and I get a long lie in and a half day at work - perhaps I can work from home this day!

I even had lunch at More cafe with the lovely MissA, we both had the spinach salad with extra chicken (protein), though there was roasted pumpkin on top - theres the carbs.

I also ate some dark chocolate. Andrew permitted me 10g of dark chocs every night. I didnt have any this week so hope it was ok to have the full 35g bar at the movies last night.........hey at least it wasnt the caramel popcorn, the nachos or the HUGE 7Up. Progress, but perhaps I exceeded my carbs for Saturday. Its not the end of the world and IM not going to worry about it. Im still learning the principles and eating better than I ever have done. Despite the 0.5g weight increase last week, Im back on track, and yes even with the whole 35g bar and the 37g bag of Maltesers today. And why? Because Im also working in the emotional eating side of things,everything is just a jigsaw piece, and it might take a while to solve it and for the pieces the right way round, but eventually they are all going to fit the right way at the same time, then Im going to be zooming.

Ive got a feeling last Thursday boot camp was a change in me, this weekend was another change, another corner. Im less the emotional wreck I was the week before, and Im feeling more focused. Though I have developed an addition to Sumo Salads. Well there could be a lot worse things to be addicted to, like ym enormous jar of maltesers that I now have in my kitchen, parked right next to my almonds and walnuts. I will explain this gorgeous looking little number next week, in the meantime, have a drool over this hee hee heee

14 March - Hellish week into OFC Hell Week

I returned to boot camp after a weeks absence, back to the 3rd week which is known as hell week. Despite hearing from my fellow bootcampers that last Thursday was hell running day (Corey, Im glad I missed THAT one), I knew this would be tough. Its amazing how fast I got out of shape, though I wasnt in shape before. 10 days without a run, walk, jog, boot camp session, swim and I didnt make Fitness First on Saturday. Ouch this is going to hurt.

I was welcomed back from all my fellow bootcampers, and a hug from one! I needed that, thanks : ). Even though Im still on the borderline of meltdown but looking up, if I had that hug last week I would have sobbed for about an hour - things have improved. The session was tough - cross fit - ouch! I did what I could, at least I rocked up and moved. So how come I still come last even with some of the newbies, seriously I am still that unfit!? I guess so ....

And tomorrow Im going to be in pain, but Ive already managed my expectations - Im going to be in pain most if not all of this week. We did a few rounds (?) of squats, running, push ups, sit ups and then some more. Then there was that silly game of tag or whatever Corey calls it - I swore a few times when I went over on my foot, then pulled something at the top of my left leg. I kept moving it wasnt that bad, but I was ready to give up. I was wishing the session to be over, I was feeling sick. What? More squats, come on!!! The hour was over, I was glad to be sitting down on the grass. I was still feeling sick. Im glad I finished it, I need to get back into the swing of it and rock up Wednesday and Thursday, absolutely no excuses.

And it was great to see my old fellow boot campers again. I havent quite gott to know the new ones yet, but then again Ive missed 1 week out of 2 before and I was very quiet today. I recall at the beginning of this journey that I may lose my sense of humour. Yep its gone, especially when trying to get back into the swing of this fitness lark again. That will teach me not to move for 10 days.

But I did walk Ikea at the weekend AND lift lots of shelving - I even went back again on Sunday for more! Im trying to get organised and have a clear out, yes even more of a clear out. Its me getting my shit in order, all part of the initial big plan.

When I got home after boot camp this evening, I decided to get some food sorted so that I could stick to my diet plan more. Strawberries and blueberries weighed out, yoghurt divided up (though I confess I ate half the tub of Rachels greek yoghurt with coconut, HIGHLY recommended  ... and some strawberries whilst preparing!), cooked some chicken balls and beef balls for my snacks. For one of my snacks I am going to eat protein as I dont eat enough through the day. And I STILL havent done my food planner for Andrew (I will get that done some time this week,, promise ...). Im grateful for my small box tupperware selection, best investment over the last 8 years. And still expanding. All I need to do is get some leaves and veggies together to go with lunch, but I might just buy that tomorrow from the restaurant at work, and I can add some chopped cheese. I miss my cheese. AND brie is low in carbs hee hee. Moderation for the dairy, Andrew I know.

Considering Ive more or less (more of the more) stuck to the diet plan, apart from the small part that I havent eaten enough or the 5 meals each day, Im hoping for a loss. Im guessing 0.5kgs if Im honest with myself, I still need to focus and plan more and get 100% organised instead of 50%. And Ive eaten all the "naughty" yogurts (Spinneys ran out of greek yoghurt and Carrefour, Hyper Panda and Union Coop dont sell it), Rachels vanilla or the delicious one with coconut was last weeks yoghurt choice - all gone, back to the normal plain greek ones. Tuesdays session with Andrew is about the diets that fail and why, and Im presuming the reasons why this one works, and it does work. It will work for me if I do this properly. Maybe if I had eaten some pancakes last week I would have still lost the same amount!!!!! What do you think Andrew? Yes, we will be driving you mad tomorrow yet again. Sorry teacher!!!

On a side note, my test results came back this week - seems more investigation required. Low potassium, she reckons something related to overactive glands attached to the kidney(s) and possible blocking of the kidney artery which causes the increased BP. Increased cortisone (?) and testosterone in my blood. Cortisone is over produced as a result of stress which increases the BP. High levels of cortisone reduces levels of potassium in the body! High testosterone levels can cause weight gain and be difficult to lose weight - apparently! Waiting for the 24hr pee in a pot test (going to have to occur over a weekend at home) and ultra sound on the bellies to wait and see what the next steps are. Im also getting a 2nd opinion.

Im done with the negativity - it only worries my dad (sorry Pops!!). But we all have good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks, we only learn to appreciate the good weeks when we have the bad ones. Thats my theory anyway. Ive got 3 great trips planned for April (means only 50% boot camping though) - UK for 10 days with my family, a long weekend in my favourite city Bangkok and a 2 day weekend trip to Petra. Something positive to look forward to.

And my tip for today for a feel good factor - Watch SNOW DOGS, if you dont dream of playing and cuddling those beautiful doggies, you got something wrong with you!

I need sleep, its a big week ahead for me. Night night x

8 -11 March - Things can only get better

So I missed Mondays boot camp as I was still not well after the weekends food poisoning which may now have been a bug - too many other people I know have suffered the same.

Tuesday was International Women's Day - I decided to look after and liberate myself, take a risk, be strong and change my life for the better. At my 6 month/appraisal meeting I advised my boss's I was not happy and not the best fit for the job, and suggested a 3 - 6 month transition period. I need to get back my life, this current company is dysfunctional, disorganised and doesnt need someone of my level. Im a glorified and overpaid administrator, and I want to be able to get up in the morning and look forward to my day ahead. Not wake up every day, thinking about every excuse I can to not go! Im sure this will have a major impact on my soaring blood pressure, in a positive way.

My Tuesday session with Andrew showed a 0.4kg loss, not bad considering I hadnt followed the diet plan, again. This week we learnt more about how to include carbs in your diet plan to ensure optimum weight loss. Bizarrely this goes against everything Ive learnt about monitoring calories or fat content, but it seems to be the way thats works best, for the long term and for health. I still have to make sure I write my own diet plan for the week ahead, though I have chosen to do this for next week, as I am going to try and follow week 2 again. My biggest challenge remains time. Time to plan, time to get organised, time to get shopping and chopping. Just time. I dont seem to have any.

The week didnt improve, in fact it got worse. Mentally I am not in the right place, my mind has spiraled downwards and I dont feel motivated or remotely interested in what I need to do today, tomorrow or the next day. Instead I feel a cloud of doom and gloom hanging around me and I cant seem to shift it. I didn't go to boot camp on Wednesday or Thursday, I know it wold have ended in tears. Ive spent most of the week in tears, tears in my meeting with my boss's, tears on my own in the car when I start thinking about certain things going on, tears at the Drs, tears tear tears. They're doing my head in now!

LL backed off, though I know she was itching to try and motivate me and get me back on track, but her motivation wouldnt have worked this week, it would have just wound me up (sorry LL, I love you lots but this was not a week where anything was going to work). I need to do this myself, I need to get back on (again) out of my own free will and choice. Im trying to remain "good" but Im now realising Im not eating or drinking enough. Ive gone the opposite way. And I know I have to eat to lose weight (the right food) and I also know I need water just to survive and ensure everything works. The problem I have had all my life is that I know WHAT to do and WHY, I just choose not to. Why? If I had the answer to that question, this would all be so much easier.

I was disappointed to find that the "Friends with Food" event today was cancelled due to lack of response but Ive now been offered 2 x 2hr sessions for the same price (about 50% off her usual charges). And the first thing I thought of was "And how the hell am I going to fit that it into my week. Im only free on Sunday eve after work or weekends .....". Negativity crept in before I even had a chance to cling to some positivity. Now I think, "Its only 2 sessions I can fit this in".

I wont go into details of my dull week, but lets just say it was shit! My saving grace was Patsy R (you finally get a mention xx), and his new Patsy E and the ever fabulous Patsy C. Thank you for a gorgeous evening, and for the fab healthy and carb free (I only had a few rice crackers!) dinner and great company. You were such a better choice to boot camp though Im going to have to get back to that again next week, no excuses. Thanks again, love you lots. And I want to borrow Pam Ann hee hee xx.

I am annoyed with my Dr - apparently the meds is NOT a temporary arrangement, though she misled me at the beginning saying it was for one month, then it got extended and increased to 2 months, now 3. I had to have yet more blood tests as my results last time were apparently NOT normal they were borderline. IM feeling I need a new Dr and she has let me down in many ways. When I cried with anger and frustration at being on meds for high BP at my age, she didnt get it. She told me she had a male client who had to inject insulin for his diabetes AND had to take 3 tablets for his high BP and I am lucky. My reply was along the lines of "I dont care about anyone else"! Regardless, I remain on BP tablets and had to get my prescription. Everything is based around the main monthly checkups (which I will now take to my old Dr) and min 3 times check ups of my blood pressure. I have my own machine and I may remain with this as my measurement as I am honestly sick and tired of going so much to that clinic. Its not my choice to go there.

When I went to collect my meds from the usual pharmacy I was advised that they dont take my medical insurance any more, due to the fact they have admin and management issues or something. I lost it with the poor guy serving me. he couldnt give the meds to me. I stormed out and then stormed back in again - no I wasnt taking that answer, I was going to get my meds. After arguing with him (loud voice, oops) and advising him not only was I HR who knows the medical insurance scheme very well, I also worked for an insurance company etc etc etc. Eventually he gave in and I have his manages name and number!!! Time to change pharmacy also, so Im definitely heading back to Jumeirah, the dark side is causing my BP to increase further just though incompetence. However, Im glad I stood my ground and demanded the meds, I wasnt in any fit state to drive around the city's pharmacies seeking the meds ....

Im just glad its the weekend. Ive slept looong today and got up when I felt my body was ready. Yes it may have been a waste of a day, yes I could have done something with my day, but I dont care today. Today is my "get myself together" day. Going to have a nice salad at Mirdif City Centre shortly, then plan my food shopping. I will go to the Organic Shop in Dubai Mall before meeting LL for a movie later. Time for something relaxing and hopefully make me laugh. Tomorrow I plan a visit to Fitness First to get me back on track and re-focused. Some swimming and sunbathing afterwards too.

Im good at putting a face on for the world, I do this all the time. This week I lost that face and hid from as many people as possible. I go through the week, I survived it and next week is another week. I havent gone back to old habits, I havent ordered my usual take away comfort food. Ive just not eaten more than a few nibbles and few sips of water apart from dinner last night with the gorgeous Patsy R. Why? Again I dont know, but its time to try and fix it.

Wishing everyone a great weekend, and a positive week ahead. For me, things can only get better, Im not going to let them get any worse thats for sure. To my fellow boot campers, see you next week! LL thansk for tolerating me, again. xx

2000 Hits to my blog - WOW

Ive just uploaded my last blog and there it was. A great rounded number. 2000. Hits to my blog (LL you need to reduce the number of times you read this ha ha).

Thanks to you all for reading, I hope Ive kept you entertained, I hope Ive inspired you to take positive steps towards a better you,and a healthier you.

Someone I love once told me - You need to look after you, because everyone else is too busy looking after themselves.

Only you can do it, but we can do this together.

Keep smiling and "rocking up" and reading my blog. Seriously, I still wonder who IS reading this ha ha : )

7 March - I only have 1 body

Im tired, so tired again, this is a familiar feeling, Bizarrely feeling off the last 2 days was how I used to feel, and this was something I got used to. Its not until I thought about it that I now felt different (well before the food poisoning). I recalled being on holiday in years gone by eating and enjoying the garlic bread, fries, always eating lots of bread before dinner, youve got the picture. I then recalled always feeling as I did late Saturday afternoon, when I didnt feel good, bloated, a bit nauseous, a bit pasty. That was how I used to feel on a regular basis.

Im reminded of something I dont want anymore, I want to feel good and full of energy. Like I do when I eat healthy and do boot camp regularly, with some of my own jogging thrown in for good measure.

I had a lot of time for thinking today. I even decided to resign tomorrow at my 6 month appraisal meeting. Then I decided not to. All I know is something else has to change to make all the positives out weigh the negatives. Im instead offering a different tact, taking a huge risk on my career. But life is about taking risks isnt it. Just not risks on your health and life. I can get another job if I need to, even if it means leaving this country and moving to another, there is always another job another opportunity. I only have 1 body, so I need to look after it more.

I havent done this the last few days and look what happened - poor BFA performance, food poisoning. Maybe if I had looked after myself better I may not have got sick. Who knows, but its definitely a theory.

Tomorrows another day, its also Tuesday which means I have my weekly check in with Andrew. No matter what the scales say, I deserve it. I didnt follow the diet plan and I didnt look after my body or health. The day after is the start of another week, where I can make a difference.

I saw some photos of me from the weekend today - most still disgust me (when will that change?), but there was one from the back which I didnt mind, its not great but Ive let my mate keep it on as it shows how much my shape has changed 2 months, this reminded me of the positive progress I have made already.

I will be telling myself to keep it up, turn it up a notch, reach my birthday goal, there is only one way and that way is forward. New me, new mind, new body, new wardrobe, new outlook, new job!? Who knows what the future holds, but I only have a future if I look after me and my body. We all need to.

5 & 6 March - Mud Glorious Mud .. and other things disgusting

Morning world, you look pretty today. The Dead Sea may be dead in many ways (as I was informed yesterday by my Jordanian friend who was known by the hotel driver .. small country Jordan or SHE is just mega famous!)

Breakfast time - good start - I walked around that buffet 2 times, salivating over the meats, cheeses, hummous, breads, beef bacon (better than no bacon), chicken sausages (same as before ...) and all that cheese. I seleted a mixed fruit juice, 1 yoghurt and some fruit. And a cup of tea. Thats its, thats all I had. Why you may ask? Well, I needed to keep reasonably healthy for my planned run this evening before dinner. I decided this was the best time, my mate can shower and instead of lounging waiting for my turn for the bathroom I could go for my run. Sorted, plan in place, Im feeling good.

After (my healthy) breakfast we headed straight to the sea. A quick float in amongst everything dead (mate spotted a bone in the seabed, could have been a thigh bone! Back to the beach for our mud massages (smells vile BTW) and 5 mins dry off before a shower, then it was spa time. For me, Hammam. I need to lose this peeling skin from my dodgy Singapore tan, the body scrub last week didnt work, so Hammam it is. I allowed myself to be scrubbed beyond my pain threshold. It hurt, but hey maybe I could lose 1kg in skin!!? OK, it was JUST a thought.

Then it was lunchtime. Oops I ate the bread, 3 pieces with oil and balsamic. Im going to pay for this. At least I ordered the roca salad for starters and the salmon with veggies for main. I can jog this bread off later, no worries. 2 beers later we were done and back on the beach. FYI I dont recommend being scrubbed raw then dipping yourself in the Dead Sea, its going to hurt a bit, Ok a bloody lot! Oucha!! Late afternoon I started to feel stomach cramps. Bloody bread. I must be suffering from eating the wheat and yeast and carb diet offender. It has been a while since I ate it - actually I had some last week. Different bread I suppose.

The cramps got worse. I ate some alcoholic chocs to make me feel better. The job was off, I was in pain, feeling sick, not feeling too great actually. I managed a swim in one of the many pools, then home - bathroom. Something is not felling right. The 2nd bottle of bubbles was on ice, but I wasnt interested. I drank a shandy and ate some crisps. Im starting to feel worse now. Maybe its the beer, Im allergic to the beer. Nooo that cant be right! Ok, no more beer, and get ready for dinner please.

I made it through dinner with 4 trips to the bathroom and 2 pots of peppermint tea. I tried the local Jordanian wine, was nice but not that nice, I wasnt in the mood. I ate even though I wasnt in the mood, I was keeping my mate company (thats got to be THE worst excuse to eat ever ...). Now Im freezing too. (Its cold in Jordan in March, we didnt think or plan for that ha ha, idiots we are), time for bed.

I got to bed, for about an hour. This bread thing or beer thing has gone too far now. Its more than an allergic or intolerance reaction to something, this is food poisoning. Bugger it must have been the healthy stuff - salmon! I didnt get much sleep, but I enjoyed the lovely decor of the bathroom under the romantic light of the magnified mirror. and the toilet is badly designed, squeezed into a corner and the toilet seat slanted to the left. if I dropped the toilet roll, it rolled under the toilet, the floor was also on a slant. My bare feet squeaked on the cold marble floors, luckily my mate sleeps deep and doesnt wake easy! By sunrise, I think I totaled 2hrs sleep, yep this is definitely bad punishment for eating that bread at lunchtime. I wont be doing that again in a hurry. Water even wasnt my friend ......

No breakfast, a quick massage, packed and checked out, I had the 1hr ride to the airport. We stopped off at the Dead Sea product shop, I clenched my cheeks so much that Ive got Fergie's bum (BEP and not as in ex Royal Family I hasten to add...). I was OK, I survived the trip, now I had to just survive the flight home. NOt a nice airport to be waiting in, even the toilet attendant in the ladies sat smoking her ciggie and then threw it in the bin. Obviously not worried about H&S, fire hazards or doing her job.

I managed some apple juice, mashed pots and some carrots and peas but that didnt stick to my system long! Thankfully egate and a quick suitcase delivery meant I was home pretty sharpish. I was knackered, I had work tomorrow regardless of how I felt, at least its a 4 day week. At least I MUST have lost the weight I had possibly gained eating all the naughty foods on Friday and Saturday. Please let the Diet God look after me this week, I need to lose 2kgs to stay on my target. Otherwise, Im going to have to set my alarm to 6am every day for the net 2 weeks to squeeze in an early morning 2km run to make sure my metabolism kick starts again. Oh and eat the right foods .....

Thank goodness Im home, there is nothing like your own bed. Night night dont let the bugs bite (or make you sick!)

4 March - Suitcases and Back Pain

BFAs are not good for me, especially the sit ups. The same happened last Thursday before the Welsh Ball. I woke up with back pain, I couldnt move! Ponstan is going to be the cure, no jogging this morning is going to help me. And I still need to clean, tidy, do the washing and change the bed, not to mention clean the cat litters. Nice. Oh I still havent packed yet.

Then I made it to the airport. I have to focus on being healthy this weekend so I can lose another 2kgs. I missed breakfast so had some Pinkberry with fruits (yummeee), thank goodness its at the airport. Then as it was was my mates birthday, we stopped off at the bar. She had a cosmo coktail, I had gin, but had to opt for the bitter lemon, a G&T wasnt going to hit the spot. A quick waltz to the gate we were soon seated right at the back of the plane, and waiting for the drinks. OK, time to get back to the recommended drinks list from Andrew. Gin & Tonic. Nope, its really not working, I cant drink this nonsense. Back to the food - chicken, rice and little arabic bread was lovely. Damn, that wasnt on the diet plan!

Jordan is a quiet country, even on a Friday, even with every family camped out at the side of the road and Dead Sea for picnic time. Despite the litter rubbish, I like the place. On arrival at the very quiet Kempinski Hotel we checked out our lovely room and opened the 1st bottle of champers. Headed to dinner, fabulous Thai and Asian food - thai green chicken curry, rice and Pah Thai was not in the diet plan, neither were the prawn crackers and the mojito though it did have soda in it! After dinner we hit the busy bar - nope, just me and you then matey! One Harvey Wallbanger later it was bed time.

Tomorrows diet plan better get back on schedule or Im in trouble next Tuesday on those weighing scales.......

3 March - 2nd BFA

Before I write anything, congrats HUGE congrats to Mr and Mrs Super-Fit, who are now crowned Mr and Mrs Lieutenant. You are an inspiration to us all. Well done : ).

And back to me, so far from a sniff of Lieutenant. I wasnt happy with my performance if you can even call it that. There was no tap dancing or music or big lights, not even a stage. So no, not a performance. I am hoping its down to the fact I didnt eat well the last 2 days - today 1 apple, a handful of nuts and less than 500ml of water until 1 hour before boot camp. Yesterday wasnt any better.

I ran the 1 mile in 11mins 35 s. I think I was just under 12mins last time (I need to re-read my own blog!). I just need to keep chasing Corey to send me my last BFA results so I can compare to this months, though Im not holding out for much improvement. I really dont know what happened to me today.

However I do do know there was some definite cheating out there, not sure how I overtook someone yet they finished before me. 3 rounds not 4? Im only saying .... and I know I did the 1min tests properly and didnt miscount. Not that Im saying anyone else did .......Anyway, as LL says, they are only cheating themselves!

And Im traveling to the Dead Sea tomorrow, bring on the holidays! Ive got a few more weeks til the next BFA, will worry about that then.

"Friends with Food" - Emotional Eating

I will be attending, anyone want to come with? Another piece of my jigsaw has landed on my lap - TY : ). Will give it a go, sort the old dusty mind process out ......

http://knowhowlife.com/friends-with-food

2 March - Still ROCKING UP : ))

Tomorrow is BFA Day. Time to see progress, a great way to end the week and start the weekend ahead of a 3 day trip to Jordan, yay!

I didnt eat well today, I didnt drink enough water. I need to learn, water water water! I still rocked up to boot camp. Start of the 3rd month, 2nd session of the week. I can do this. There were a lot of people again, in fact I think there were more than the 24 who showed up on Monday. I wasnt the best, but I wasnt the worst not that its a competition but its good for me still, in a very selfish way, to know that Im still making progress. I seem to need this assurance on a daily basis, like a demanding child. Oh yes, I was one of those too!

Tonight was upper body time. My, did that hurt, tough session Mr Zaid! But it was good, I felt the pain, I felt it working. Ha ha who am I, seriously!? Im still not lovin it though .... There is a difference in the old team dynamics. The oldies seem to stick together, the newbies seem to be keeping their distance. Mrs Fit tried to get the newbies to join the oldies on the grass, but it didnt really happen. I needed to take  Corey's advice and motivate the newbies, as they are where I was 7 weeks ago. I know their pain, I feel their pain, I feel their hatred towards how hard doing exercise is, the feelings of frustrations towards themselves. AAahh we really dont love boot camp. yet. Ha ha. Sorry OFC boys : ).

Then there was my moment .. I tried whilst running with the weight exercises forget it, I had to concentrate on doing it for me (selfish again!), but for the last run I saw one of the newbies - I saw me. He had stopped soon after starting to run the last run around the park. I saw me struggling, he was struggling. Corey I did what you asked me and it was OK. I told him how LL had helped and encouraged me through that tough run around the park, how I couldnt keep running and had to walk it, I couldnt do it 7 weeks ago. I told him to jog slowly, but best not to stop and walk, its harder to get back to get back to running. I told him I was now running 2km once a week nonstop and that was something I would never have considered possible 7 weeks. I told him I focused on getting my breathing rhythm first then focused my mind over the fact my legs hurt. I told him it got easier. I told him how Zaid had run beside me the first week and told me keep "rocking up", keep doing it, it will get easier. I ran with him and slowed my pace and we finished the circuit together. Bless him he did well. It felt good to help someone else, I saw so much of me in his pain and struggle. But he did well, he did it, he has rocked up 2 times this week already. Good luck Mr R, you can do it too.

Now I see the new me. One of my oldie co-bootcampers has been away for week and told me as we left that I am looking toned and its significant. THANKS you made my night. The bond (sounds corny I know) we have developed is great, I would now miss this if I stopped boot camp. I dont want to, I wont. I need to do more and push myself more.

I have 28 days til I land back in the UK and see all of my gorgeous family, my big sisters 40th birthday party first. I want to feel confident about me, and want them to see a big difference - without fad diets, all the proper way. I still dont feel THAT different despite the clothes being much loser (wore black trousers today for first time in 10 days and they were loose ......), and I need my turning point soon. To weigh less than 100kgs - there Ive said it, all very  public. Its within reach, easy reach thanks to my team mates at boot camp, my boot camp gurus Corey and Zaid and my new addition, Scottish heart-throb Andrew (ha ha we will make a pin up out of you yet young man!!). I can do this - and THIS is the THE longest time I have ever committed to a healthy regime (and several at the same time ...). Big thanks LL, you will never let me back out of this I know, and thank god you wont ha ha!!

1 March - Thankyou Andrew!

Considering the part time commitment to my new diet plan, I am very pleased to confirm I lost 2.4kgs. IMAGINE what I could have achieved if I had done it properly for a full 7 days. So thank you Andrew. You have been my inspiration and food guru - my 2nd piece of the jigsaw.

I cant not mention my first piece of the jigsaw that has kept me going and contributed to the last weeks weight loss - OFC Boot camp. The exercise has been the partner to the diet, despite the "bender" (TY Andrew again for that term ....) last Friday at the Welsh Ball. If only I danced for 3hrs every Friday ..... on top of the 3 times a week boot camp and my own 2km running.

There are now 4 of us in the Tuesday evening session, on our 8 week Nutrition course. We had high 5s going on between us, was great fun and a bit silly. If I could maintain a 2kg weight loss for the next 7 weeks I would be a VERY VERY happy girl. And I would be WAAAAY on target for my sky diving tandem jump on my birthday. I even have yet another new dress (red, layered from Monsoon in the sale for AED173, bargain!).

I need to stay focused and carb free over the weekend in Jordan for a friends birthday. I also need to keep running and/or using the hotel gym. I NEED to lose another 2kgs next Tuesday. I am supposed to be on a work dinner on Monday, Im going to challenge this and move it to Tuesday, AFTER my next weekly weigh-in : ).

I wanted to share with you a message I received from a new friend, a friend of LL, and someone who used to do boot camp last year. This lovely lady sent me an emotional email about this blog - I made her laugh, I made her cry and now I am inspiring her to get back on the healthy lifestyle wagon again. She did so well, she is an amazing, bubbly, funny and outrageous lady, she looks amazing and glamorous and Im very happy to have made a new friend. I am even happier that I have inspired you in a positive way, in a healthy lifestyle way. This is definitely a new me, and thank you for inspiring me to continue this journey and this blog. Im with you every step, and you know where I am if you have a bad day - I still have bad days but the good days are spread out in between. You can do it, YOU GO GIRL! xx