I read these words today when I woke up, and they have remained with me all day. I give all credit to Ruby Gettinger. For those who dont know who Ruby is, this is her blog - http://ruby-gettinger.blogspot.com/. Ruby is a show on TV, it makes great viewing and I am with Ruby every step. She is starting to participate in bootcamps in the US, I would have joined her if I was living there. Oh, another option of location to add to my "Escape from Dubai" list.
Anyways, I have been in and out of what Im going to call mild depression - depression because when Im alone, I reach some very low lows, and Im finding it hard to pick myself up again, refocus, and stick to my healthy eating plan. Perhaps there is a lot to be said about the "happy hormones" when doing exercise. And of course I havent had any happy hormones for a long time. I did have a week of them in Greece with my Ma and Pa a few weeks ago and I was walking up and down hills and steps and managed to walk to the Acropolis in Athens too. I had one evening where I felt a little pain in my right side, and started to limp but I think that was more to do with the fact I had some inner stress at that time, that I think tensed the muscles and made the symptoms return, or worsen. So, I better stay relaxed then!
Im still very good at showing my "face" to the world, to family and close friends too - I talk too much as it is, but Im realising the over talking and over planning for the future, is a way of hiding the truth behind this face, and the daily realities. This face aint happy, no matter what you see on the outside. This face is frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed and angry at STILL being stuck around the 100kg mark, STILL being overweight, STILL being unfit, STILL way off my initial plans and targets from the beginning of the year.
My right foot remains mostly numb, Im not even sure any more whether its getting better, or if Im just getting used to it. I know that the longer it remains the numb, the less likely it is I will return to having a normal right foot and lower leg again. I fell off my roller skates last weekend and bruised my right "glute". I had a tantrum. I went back inside and did something else instead. I havent got strength in my right leg back (did I ever have it?), I dont have balance and the ability to use my previously strongest leg, and I get cramps by moving slightly or stretching. Its basically driving me slowly to the white coat brigade........
So, again, I have to get back on it. I have to re-do the beginning again. I tried to motivate myself by going through my skinny clothes last night and I am pleased to say that I have 16 new items in my wardrobe. So why did this not cheer me up longer than a few hours, why cant I reel from the positivity of this and keep going, why cant I see myself in the 2 pairs of shorts that remain in the skinny clothes box despite talking about them .... it all just feels like a pretence and as if I will always be stuck in this groundhog day and weight.
My motivator is still LL and I gave her 100% nagging rights as I sat at Athens airport on the way back from my indulgent weeks holiday. Amazingly I still weighed the same as the last weigh in with Mr Picken, the only reason I can relate to is related to something else - stopping the depo provera injections. More on that another day ...... But LL has been nice to me this month. Thanks : )
So here I am, on the eve of a personal training session with the lovely Mr Zaid from OFC. A birthday pressie from LL. And this is something I really truly need, to release those happy hormones, to push me upwards out of this personal and lonely feeling of depression, to motivate me to keep moving and working on this right leg, to get me back to bootcamp from July onwards, to increase my metabolism and lose the fat. I am restricted to a lot of the moves as advised by my physio, as long as I can work out how to manage this at bootcamp and not cause any further damage or set backs, it can only be a positive move in the right direction. The direction that has been on pause since 23 March. Jeeeez, thats 12 weeks ago.
And that has been my setback.
And this is now my set up - to lose 10kgs before 19 August! Thats 9 weeks away, so thats just over 1kg a week. I need to ensure I write my diet plans as I now know I can. I need to keep the carbs down. I wish there was a magic potion or answer to curb the emotional and physical food cravings ........ just found Roca Labs and looking into this as a support for the next phase . Anyone had any experience of this?
And tomorrow I will let you know about my comeback.
By the time I dip my toe in the waters of Skiathos again in 2013, I will be at least 80kgs.....
But first, parasailing on JBR Beach for breakfast tomorrow morning .......
Anyways, I have been in and out of what Im going to call mild depression - depression because when Im alone, I reach some very low lows, and Im finding it hard to pick myself up again, refocus, and stick to my healthy eating plan. Perhaps there is a lot to be said about the "happy hormones" when doing exercise. And of course I havent had any happy hormones for a long time. I did have a week of them in Greece with my Ma and Pa a few weeks ago and I was walking up and down hills and steps and managed to walk to the Acropolis in Athens too. I had one evening where I felt a little pain in my right side, and started to limp but I think that was more to do with the fact I had some inner stress at that time, that I think tensed the muscles and made the symptoms return, or worsen. So, I better stay relaxed then!
Im still very good at showing my "face" to the world, to family and close friends too - I talk too much as it is, but Im realising the over talking and over planning for the future, is a way of hiding the truth behind this face, and the daily realities. This face aint happy, no matter what you see on the outside. This face is frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed and angry at STILL being stuck around the 100kg mark, STILL being overweight, STILL being unfit, STILL way off my initial plans and targets from the beginning of the year.
My right foot remains mostly numb, Im not even sure any more whether its getting better, or if Im just getting used to it. I know that the longer it remains the numb, the less likely it is I will return to having a normal right foot and lower leg again. I fell off my roller skates last weekend and bruised my right "glute". I had a tantrum. I went back inside and did something else instead. I havent got strength in my right leg back (did I ever have it?), I dont have balance and the ability to use my previously strongest leg, and I get cramps by moving slightly or stretching. Its basically driving me slowly to the white coat brigade........
So, again, I have to get back on it. I have to re-do the beginning again. I tried to motivate myself by going through my skinny clothes last night and I am pleased to say that I have 16 new items in my wardrobe. So why did this not cheer me up longer than a few hours, why cant I reel from the positivity of this and keep going, why cant I see myself in the 2 pairs of shorts that remain in the skinny clothes box despite talking about them .... it all just feels like a pretence and as if I will always be stuck in this groundhog day and weight.
My motivator is still LL and I gave her 100% nagging rights as I sat at Athens airport on the way back from my indulgent weeks holiday. Amazingly I still weighed the same as the last weigh in with Mr Picken, the only reason I can relate to is related to something else - stopping the depo provera injections. More on that another day ...... But LL has been nice to me this month. Thanks : )
So here I am, on the eve of a personal training session with the lovely Mr Zaid from OFC. A birthday pressie from LL. And this is something I really truly need, to release those happy hormones, to push me upwards out of this personal and lonely feeling of depression, to motivate me to keep moving and working on this right leg, to get me back to bootcamp from July onwards, to increase my metabolism and lose the fat. I am restricted to a lot of the moves as advised by my physio, as long as I can work out how to manage this at bootcamp and not cause any further damage or set backs, it can only be a positive move in the right direction. The direction that has been on pause since 23 March. Jeeeez, thats 12 weeks ago.
And that has been my setback.
And this is now my set up - to lose 10kgs before 19 August! Thats 9 weeks away, so thats just over 1kg a week. I need to ensure I write my diet plans as I now know I can. I need to keep the carbs down. I wish there was a magic potion or answer to curb the emotional and physical food cravings ........ just found Roca Labs and looking into this as a support for the next phase . Anyone had any experience of this?
And tomorrow I will let you know about my comeback.
By the time I dip my toe in the waters of Skiathos again in 2013, I will be at least 80kgs.....
But first, parasailing on JBR Beach for breakfast tomorrow morning .......
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