I have to try and stop being alone, especially for dinners in the evenings, but quite frankly I cant stand the though of being away from home every day of the week. The odd evening is nice and sociable and enjoyable. Yet the older I get the more I want to become a recluse, and stay with me and the kitties. And there we have it - I DO need to get out more.
Seeing a dietician one night, a PT trainer on 2 other days and a psychologist now on another day, really isnt opening up the social opportunities Im looking for. Yet they are going to remain an essential aspect on a weekly basis for some time. How long is a piece of string again??
However, today I survived a 2nd day of my new beginning. Last night and today wasnt without some anxious moments, or some temptations, and I dont think Ive suddenly got strength to resist temptation yet, merely a slice of my own self imposed big brother. Though the pot of yoghurt WAS as tempting as its going to get in my pad!!
Its also been a eve of major change. Ive just deleted everything that was my exBF, and someone who has been an EX for far too long now and who has taken advantage of me on too many occasions. Being even distant "mates" with him on and off and more whenever he was feeling sorry for himself, was THE biggest toxic negativity that has been surrounding my life and future sanity for a long time. The detox has commenced and will continue for a while yet, but soon the detox will be completed. At the end of the detox is my goal, and this will be something good for me. Now is that a 1 week or 2 week detox ....?
Im thankful I have some wonderful friends, and I need to make more time doing great things with them. In the background I need to regain my confidence and self worth (I just watched Sarah "Fergie" Fergusson be interviewed on Oprah and one point she asked her therapist "where can I find myself some self worth, how do I get it"?) so that I can go back to the true sociable, happy me - the one that doesnt have to put the face on to the world to pretend that she is that person.
Im even more grateful for the lovely LL, who bought me my willpower today, sadly I forgot about this willpower until I had finished the whole pot of coconut yoghurt - damn those carbs! So time to get her out of her box. Let me introduce you to Ms Lucy Willpower, Im about to voodoo her with a needle (perhaps dont ask about that one ....) :
Thanks LL, Im hoping Lucy will keep me focused, the will to go on, the will power to say NO. Just say No, said Zammo from Grange Hill, how odd that came up in conversation last week too.
"Lucy will help me to resist the temptation of those naughty indulgences I so often crave. Lucy has a strong will and never gives up ... she believes in taking control of my own life ... Lucy possesses a positive mindset that is intensely contagious. A few minutes spent with Lucy will charge me with enthusiasm and pizzazz ... Lucy practises lots of power yoga. Shes a sparkling friend who'll give me a good kick up the behind" which Im presuming is on behalf of LL who cant be around all the time. Thanks LL, I love Lucy
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