15 July - Normal for just one day

The start of a new chapter, a new era, a new beginning for a such an important part of my life. Friday, the weekend, no lie in for me. I slept late, I got too busy when I woke but I eventually made it for my 10am session with Zaid. As I had damaged my back during the week, the session was adapted to this. I stopped taking the meds yesterday lunchtime so I would be able to feel the pain and any possible strain during the weekend sessions.

Zaid guided me around the machines, and we used them all bar 2. I do love the abs one, it works without straining my back or my neck (I really havent learned yet how to do crunches properly and sit ups are off the agenda possibly to remain that way too if I listen to my physio well). Using one of the machines was for a stretch I would normally do bending forward, Im still amazed at the machines that have been created for the fitness world to cater for people with injuries - maybe not on purpose but the end result is the same. The TRX stuff is fab, even at the end there was a stretch Zaid showed me that pulled my back like the old fashioned torture stretching machines, one I personally prefer when I have back problems. Lovely.

Im still getting lots of cramps, but I know what these are possibly connected to, one of several reasons to be honest. The sharpness of a cramp in my right leg (the damaged one) often wakes me in the morning and I have been advised a new bed is in order. The memory type mattress is the No 1 option at the moment but its so expensive. I need to start saving unless I can time the purchase around some sales. And I do have some holidays to pay for first .....

When I got home, I found myself in the kitchen. Again. For the 3rd time in so many days. I used to love being in the kitchen, cooking up something for the family (portion size usually equates to 5 people ...). Im mostly using the lean mean grilling machine, and just chopping salads and chillies, but its a start. However the flavours I have managed to throw together are amazing. And Im impressing myself on a daily basis. OK 3 daily basises are not huge I know, but its a start and a move in the right direction. This means no take away calls and orders and over eatings, and means I use up the food I have bought instead of the usual chucking out (3 punnets of strawberries last week, what a waste!!) and I eat more veggies and healthier foods all round.

This morning it was sooo time for a healthy version of a fry up. Grilled pork meat balls, grilled bacon and some creative scrambled eggs in the microwave - 2 eggs, some low fat milk, one chopped green chilli, one grilled chopped small onion and some chopped feta cheese - lower carbs and fats than my usual cheddars. I have to say even for myself, that was a fabulous brekkie and one to be repeated. Low carbs, reduced fat and calories but increased protein, something I usually dont eat enough of. During the time I was preparing brekkie (actually more like brunch as I cant eat before morning exercise), I thought lots about what I needed to do. This was a day for decluttering and cleaning. I choose my bedroom so I could create a place for calm and to encourage improved sleeping.

I had a ball, everything was out of the room (except the bed), cleaned and put back again. I found more clothes to throw out, a bag of clothes that I had saved to take to the tailors to have the items taken in as they were too big. Sod it, Im going to be buying brand new clothes and having suits made to measure when I reach my targets. So out they went, the bathing suits and sarongs were also detoxed. All the time thinking about other areas to be equally detoxed. Pictures are now on one side waiting to be framed and then hung on m walls, some have never been hung since they were bought when I moved to the sandpit several years ago. Then the music was connected, so out it blasted whilst I had a shower and made myself feel clean and all sparkly again. I wasnt going anywhere, I had some movies and recorded programmes to watch and some salad to prepare for dinner, but most important I was focusing on my first day of being and feeling "normal" after last nights session.

My version of normal may differ from yours or someone elses, but for me I achieved it. I had an apple at 4pm, something I have grown to love and crave when I told myself I couldnt cos they were high in carbs. When I stopped myself eating the apple I then went beyond the cravings and ate all the foods that were so far beyond carb free and at lots of it. So having the apple and stopping the cravings and therefore the stuff that comes after that, didint seem so bad after all. And they say an apple a day ... shame, I should really be meeting some nice handsome single Drs!!

Dinner was a scrumptious part planned chicken and crispy bacon chilli salad - there are always chillies in my salads and the low carb chill and pepper sauce. I will be needing some more of that soon though Im going to compare carb counting with the usual chilli sauces before I do go back and purchase. Not that I dont believe what it says on the bottle, but now I know more about reading labels I just need to reassure myself.

I avoided some usual bad habits and behaviours today though I did have a celebratory white wine and diet lemonade after a successfully normal trip to the shops to get some water. Im going to pat myself on the back for today. And trust me when I say I have taken some huge steps for myself today. Keeping a food diary is interesting, Ive become my own big brother.

An early night as Ive eaten at a "normal" time today, 630pm. I have a 9am PT session with Zaid and then i have a busy hectic day ahead. In fact, Im looking forward to coming home and eating my salad that is already prepared in my fridge (chilies to be freshly chopped of course). Feta cheese or lamb. MMmm the choice is mine. I might even have another wine to celebrate more normality.

In fact, what is normal for me?